Thursday, February 17, 2011


You couldn't live with the guilt and the shame of having to sacrifice for your girl. Rob here wasn't able to make things easy. So it was either keep your girl by your side, safe, healable, and eventually happy or send her back to He That Is...and believe me when I say this, those that are guarding her now care FAR less for her well-being than I did.

The blood of an innocent on your hand, the guilt of living with that, the inability to look yourselves in the mirror. You couldn't pay that price. So, you go to bed, chiding yourself on your failings but secure in the hope that you'll save her again, or that you'll rescue Rob here and he'll come up with a plan. You even feel good about yourselves that you made the righteous choice.

You ever read the Picture of Dorian Gray? The guy who's picture gets nastier and nastier as he gets older and does wicked things? Anyway, Dorian has this choice to seduce this innocent girl who is infatuated with him. By this time his portrait is looking rather vile, so Dorian gently rebuffs the girl and leaves her be. Assured that this deed of temperance and humility will undoubtedly make his picture look less vile. When he returns home and gazes upon his illustrated visage looks WORSE. For now there's a smug smile of hypocrisy on his painted face. I can only imagine the smirks on Tony and Cathy's painted masterpieces.

I have a memory of a mother who gave up a neighbor's child to He That Is, in order to save her own. She lived with that guilt for the rest of her life, confessed to priests, did penance, and still felt unclean about it for the rest of her life. Her child is fine.

Hell, when I explained my game with Reach, he demanded that he be pushed in. Swore at me one way and down the other. He said he'd do anything. I jokingly threw out that I'd let him go if he killed Robert with his bare hands. He said yes. I upped the ante and moved to Ava. He hesitated, but he said a soft yes. Then I went all in and offered his daughter's freedom if he killed Cynthia. It took a long long time, but he nodded.

Now if he would actually DO it if I released him, is another question all together. But I'm proud to have known him, oh and don't hold it against him Ava. He's a good parent, and a great catch. I'm not jealous, we'll always have the Needle...and the steak knife.

I'll try to get Cynthia back under my wing. But I will never give her back to her genetic origins now.

Anyway, while Rob and I sit here. I'd thought I'd reveal a huge secret...who is that dashing rogue in rouge? Is he Jay? King of the needle and acid brain bath? Well...sadly, I have to pull a Shamalamadingdong twist on you folks.

I have no idea.

I could be Jay, I could be one of Reach's neighbors from the old country, I could be one of the HYBRIDs now corrupted and hurled back through time to mess with you all...okay probably not that...but the point is that I have no memory of my life that wasn't chained in servitude to He That Is. Even those are murky. I have a face, but no ID, I tried to get fingerprinted tested...and no results. There is nothing to me but this. Cynicism and slavery.

Course, I could be lying. That's the beauty of these blogs though, isn't it? We can make ourselves look all nice and pretty, type up codes that make us look clever, and play the hero without the world seeing the dirt and grime underneath. Trust me, there's foulness in everyone. No saint is a saint. I mean, you all adore Rob here...but do any of you really know him? Have you seen what's on his computer in his 'naughty files'? Aren't you curious as to why a grown man likes to walk by a children's playground every day, even though there's faster routes? Zeke...well...where do I start? I've read all those IA reports my friend. Cathy and know about them already. Reach and Ava? Huh, you know what kind of horrible things Reach has done? And trust me, he may have been ordered...but he enjoyed them. I'm sure Ava has more than a few skeletons as well, give me some time and I'll find 'em.

Anyway, eagerly awaiting to see what you're gonna do to help Robert here. Wouldn't surprise me if you did nothing. Didn't he say it? 'The hero always dies at the end?' Well...he wont be dead...but I doubt if it'll make a difference at that point. I have a memory of holding a young girl...she's crying that she's afriad to go to sleep because she might not wake up. She's not seen by He That Is...she's just realized that one day she'll die, and it terrifies her. I hold her, and never say that I feel the same way.