Let it never be said that I wasn't a generous man,
Hard to concentrate. Harder to write. I wake up on planes, or in the middle of meetings. My life is not my own anymore. A character in a story.
Can't access the blog anymore. I don't remember my password.
I had a college friend who was, still is, a writer. Little short stories, horror stories, heh. He says the old phrase 'My character took a life of its own' is a signature of a poor writer with a poorer imagination. Characters do what the author tells them to do, nothing more.
Gah, I look at my writing. If it isn't nonsense that turns the Core Theory into a joke, it's faux philosophic babble. Sarte mostly.
I understand what I must be trying to figure out. The nature of the sickness, the insanity, the time skips. It has something to do with the imbuing of Him onto myself. Just as this suitcase at my feet has become MY suitcase while also being a Black Suitcase, a $29.99 suitcase, My Second Business Suitcase, The Suitcase I spilled coffee on that one time and now there's a stain there, and a Hartmann knock-off.
It is all these things, but also none of them. It's a suitcase. Not even that, just some leather and metal really.
Yet when I think of definitions of Myself, in these lucid periods, I only can think of 'Robert, a Victim of the Slenderman.' Any other sense of self just seems...alien to me. Thus, I am his to use like an object on a shelf. I have no other identity. It's what's happening to the others, what will happen to the next victims.
Look at M. What is he now? Is there anything other to his being than a Runner?
It's one of His subtle tricks. You stop being who you were, and slowly lose yourself to this thing. The Hallowed are proof really.
Robert (Sage) is no longer me. That's another person really. Unhinged, insane, driven mad by the fight, but I know that he doesn't suffer. I'll give myself over to that eventually. He's stronger anyway. However Robert (Sage) tried to do too much, burnt out, let himself drink his own kool-aid, and now...well...babble and insanity.
It almost worked.
I'm not giving up though. There's ways around this. Robert (Sage), for all his lunacy, is still holding Him back and gaining a following. The Core Theory has a shred of solid ground.
I will keep on working on this until I am dead.
The Chain contingency plan is stupid, but it's the only thing I can come up with right now. Don't know if the file will be deleted by the office, or if the person who sees this will start it, or if someone breaks the chain down the line. Also it endangers others, something I promised I'd never do.
I'm so tired.
vs,r yo eoyj okB tep ud oy qieja yjrm rgwewa dyo;; giow
I thought it would be kind to put up the last bit of Robbie's little 'chain.' I hate cliffhangers, and just to show you how hard Rob here crashed. As always, the offer's open, just say 'please.'
Regards,
r
